where i'll take my bong zine

 

zine

 ive been really into zines lately. heres my most recent one i made digitally

lost notebooks

 i have so many tweets written down and lost in old notebooks,

drawings I adored and wanted to rip out, but kept inside for

the integrity of the spine, poems about my brother and poems

about the professor who just gave me a b-. stories of the way

i tripped down the stairs and how i like the way my new sweater 

sits on me. drawings of my body and face, in a way i can never 

quite return to, where i should have stopped trying to learn,

to quit while i was ahead. ive lost hundreds of notebooks with 

receipts and bookmarks, important dates that have come and 

gone, facts to remember, the best notebooks to buy next.

immaterial

without my legs or my hair 

without my heart of my plans

with just my clean lowly stare

day by day, life after life.

time by time, immaterially time.

without my nails or my bones

without my head or my toes

with my back and my groin

day by day, life after life

my bloody nose

 i got a bloody nose recently and it bled for like fifteen minutes

which i hear isn't good for you but i dont think any brain matter came out so thats okay

and i stained my shirt

and i still have some blood in my nose a couple days later

and i used up nearly half an industrial roll of paper towels

but its okay because 

nose bleeds are so sexy

thoughts

 if i take an edible with my mom it might

turn our relationship from transactional into

familial, but i don't know if she would be

willing to do it. my dad certainly wouldn't 

say yes, he's busy on ebay and doesnt

like to talk about the fact that he smokes.

Jezebel pt. 1

 Jezebel

I.

I swear the days still get shorter and the nights still longer,

But by god does my jezebel gleam in the moonlight.

A pack of dogs threatens us through cries, but her heart beats

Too loud for me to hear, a cloud, a word of god, covers the moon, 

And her heartbeat quickens and quickens more, but Jezebel never suffocates.

Amen! Bless us, our lord, for the sinners will repent, deliver me from evil,

I see the error of my ways, and I beg, pray, on my knees for forgiveness,

My holy god sends me a sign to change my deplorable ways 

And I pray to detach from the pack of my sisters that hold me back from my

Angelic truth: I will overcome the temptations to fuck, to be fucked,

I will not dance with the handsome Jezebel anymore, and I will give, give, give,

My heart to Christ. I am not a wicked, shameless woman, I am not a 

Slut, I fuck and I fuck and I fly and I fall, and I will beseech the lord to 

Let me live, but now the pack of dogs that once protected me is 

Ambushing my Jezebel, my handsome Jezebel, and god I wish to be cured

But to fuck is to live, and my Jezebel is being punished for what I did, 

Through Christ our lord, why must you misinterpret me, why have you

Taken my sins and infected my Jezebel, why is she the sick and the promiscuous,

I repent, I repent, I shall not go astray, I am not a slut, I have not a Jezebel spirit.

Rebuke me, Jezebel, and forgive me seven times a day,

My repugnance for my sins grows every moment I'm not absolved of them, 

Sexual vice, impurity, uncontrolled passion, evil desires, god’s righteous decree.

Jezebel, what we’ve done is detestable.

Blessed is she among women, and blessed is the fruit of her womb,

Please pray for my sinner Jezebel, lead me into temptation, 

it is but the hour of her death, sanctify me, save me, inebriate me, oh

Why mustn't we do what feels so right?

II. 

You, Jezebel,

Your canines and molars

And the back of your throat

The bruises on your knees

And your neck and your liver,

The smoke that fills your lungs clarifies me.

Bel, my bella, my door, my O'Keeffe,

Inhale me, and I will live,

My fluorescent reflection,

The beauty of a waist and thighs.

Not for sex, but for strength, 

I anatomize you and find meadows within.

Your body and your mind,

Your eye and your cerebrum,

And the way your presence lingers against 

My fingers when you leave me for the night,

The prickle on my shoulder where your

head once slept so soundly.

Irreligious is your brain.

Mount Moriah, I sacrifice myself,

My body, my everything, for you

And your vivacious inspiration. My lover,

My Jezebel, your hand

Around my throat, the lamb I’d never let go,

You are creation, you are 

The shrine I place upon 

my altar built to worship

Love and devotion,

My weakness for you and your appetite for me,

Oh to be so fragile.

Your roots penetrate my skin, 

They confess your sins to my veins and

Fill me with all you’ve done wrong, 

Great glossary love, oh beautify.

You won’t be punished, Jezebel. The dogs

Will leave you be, they know of your innocence.

They won’t tear you apart beyond repair,

Limb from limb, thigh to waist to mind to eye.

Oh, to be destroyed by you, Jezebel, 

And to know you will stay safe 

From those who villainize you,

Valis! Jezebel, Valis can shield you!

Shoot me with your arrows and break

The skin I grew for you

Out of the nutrients you fed me

And the crops you sowed.

To sacrifice you, Jezebel, 

Would be sin beyond compare. 

III.

To be and to worship is to be worshipped,

We are the steeple, pinned to a wall, you’re 

Crucified. And I worship you.

The benches of my lovers kneel at your feet,

We worship you, we worship your sins, your vices

My lovers open their throats to your intoxicating bloodstream. 

We are within you, we jump fences and steal lipstick,

We guzzle liquor and smoke all we have left after yesterday. 

The rocks by the pond have blood stains on them,

The place we first loved, and the water fills up with bodies and bodies

Bodies of our own, bodies who used to love you.

I lie on the mattress on the side of the road, I hold a body 

And hope it is yours, I see a shining light that I can only pray is the sunrise.

The gratified alleys are our ballrooms where we live and dance and love.

We fuck, not to create, but to feel, to discover.

To heat our frozen bodies, Oh glory, this amalgamation of love.

Jezebel, we ritualize this fucking up in dedication to you

Jezebel, my lovers and I break our kneecaps to pray to you,

We raid bars and trash cans and hotel rooms,

We walk and we chafe and we kiss a dedication to you, 

 My lovers put out cigarettes on their breasts and I follow suit.

Oh, burn burn burn! We burn For you, Jezebel. 

Burn burn burn, The smell of our skin singeing is

Fueling your spirit, Oh burn Jezebel, we burn for you.

There’s nothing deeper than the chains that Hold us together,

Oh burn burn burn my breasts, Godot, my Jezebel, Will never come,

We watch the world breathe and know your heart is still beating.

jezebel

 Jezebel

Jezebel, do you pray?

My lover, would you kneel on a pew

For a God who painted a picture

That you are ignominious, 

A wretched woman unworthy of

Forgiveness. Do you pardon Mary

The virgin for being the perfectly 

Crafted woman? Do you revere 

Eve for her sin? When you painted your

Eyes red, and looked out that window

Did you know what they would call 

You? Impudent and shameless, my

Wicked, unrestrained seductress,

The siren of my sea. The wolves did not

Intimidate you, my Jezebel, 

They tore you apart but left your 

Heart whole for me to rediscover.

cento- Cut Down My Arboretum (Ginsberg, Sexton, Whitman, Greathouse, Myles, Stone, Diaz, Seuss, and Limon)

Someone is dead.

Even the trees know it.

All things please the soul,

When the water boils I get

Shells & seaweed,

A cup of tea.

Through a mist

I play,

With my reflection of you.

Have you ever loved the body 

Of a woman?

Wrist and wrist-joints, hand, palm,

Knuckles, thumb, forefinger, 

Finger-joints, finger-nails,

Along its fingers the tree.

Your long fingers, thin body,

And long bones of improbable genius;

This is the female form,

Curling hair of the breast, breast-bone,

Breast-side, The womb, the teats, nipples,

Breast-milk,

Tears.

Can you

Imagine what it was

Like to be one of them?

Heads of snarled hair,

Something in the tree.

We sat among them.

Laughter, weeping, love-looks, 

love-perturbations and risings.

We were two girls then,

Kissing so tenderly it feels 

Rude to watch.

The farmer’s daughter in the 

Backyard green tree cemetery,

A weeper, from a long line of weepers.

This is the female form.

I won't promise A certain seizure 

But these please the soul well.

This is the female form,

Books, art, religion, time,

An enemy

Of change. 

Green on green, on green,

Or is it red? Red is a reflection, 

Red is you.

If they want to say something bad 

They whisper

Are you normal tonight? Everyone

Here, are we all normal.

Are you normal?

You know I am not.

Someone is dead.

You know I get to sink

My teeth in Nature,

In You, feminine you, 

Elbows, knees, dreams,

Goodnight.

Have they ever loved 

The body of a woman?

They are only light because we are dark.

In the distance, a tree falls.

Someone is dead.

Now the tree is gone. The men are gone,

Cement and aluminium 

Bashed open their skulls.

Sun and moon and tree.

He was fucked up anyway. 

He would send her up the tree,

Now she is gone

Who slept away my life.

She who had my eyes

Blinking

Screaming vomiting whispering.

The soul is innocent and immortal 

It should never die.

Oh my swan, my drudge, my dear wooly rose,

Can you

Imagine what it was

Like to be one of them?

It is in his walk,

You and he might touch each other.

That of the male is perfect, 

And that of the female is perfect.

They are kissing so tenderly.

Watch.

All things please the soul, 

But these please the soul well.

I see my soul reflected in Nature,

My soul with inexpressible 

Completeness, sanity, beauty,

Tears, laughter, weeping, love-looks,

brains and imagination.

I am not

Alone tonight.

She is the sum of yourself 

And your dream,

She is in her place and moves

With perfect balance.

She has no right to a sight

Of her endless reflection.

She is all there,

All Nose, nostrils of the nose, and the partition,

All Cheeks, temples, forehead,

Chin, throat, 

Back of neck, neck-slue, 

Ribs, belly, backbone,

She is all.

A strong set of thighs,

Well carrying the trunk above,

A tree falls.

One part off the trunk on the ground,

And the other somehow continuing on.

A tree falls,

The child climbed up where the dead tree grew.