my fiftieth

 i shook myself a cocktail

(cranberry juice and weed

drink) so i could relax after

a long day of inproductivity.

there are simple ways to 

show love to myself. i wish

i could draw the way i did in 

high school but now there is

so much to admire about a 

person i used to hate. my 

sober teenage years created

a vaper and a weed fiend but 

thats all i could have ever 

have expected of myself. I

wish i had the paint my father

got me for christmas. i loved

being able to use supplies i 

could never afford myself. I

miss my edginess and willingness

to tell everyone how cutely 

suicidal i was. attached is some

of the art i was most proud of

back then. I still picture myself 

with deep brown hair.