poems i wrote in 2019 and texts i recieved between their writing

i stole your dictionary
while you were unconscious
i ripped it in half
i think it’s still on my bookshelf somewhere 

you sleep more than you did before
i wonder why. did it start when i stole your car?

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i really value our friendship and i don’t want anything to get in the way if that, and i’ve been thinking about what you said on sunday,  i just want to know how i can ebsr support you in the group. would there be anything different or helpful that i can do to to make you feel better? your friendship means a lot to me and i don’t want to do anything that could hurt it. 

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i’ve always wanted to stick
wished i had friends since the beginning
hoped i’d be known for something specified
but advice from my mom says don’t let judgement cloud my eyes

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 btw  guys i ave been thinking about it and i understand why
people have been kinda snappy lately it’s just a hard time but i would just try to ask if everyone could try their best to not take out thier stress on me bc it rlly makes me feel bad

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ive stopped looking both ways when i cross the street
it used to be a habit,
left, right, then left again,
but lately ive been stepping off of the sidewalk with no regard for cars.
and when the driver get upset
 i pretend it was a mistake, i promise ill be more careful next time
i wave to them with an apologetic smile, i mouth the word « sorry » but never say it out loud,
if i said it out loud it would become true
and i’d have to start keeping good habits and breaking bad ones
if i said it oit loud id have to stop biting my nails until they bleed
maybe i’d paint them instead
id have to stop scratching my bug bites raw
if i said it out loud i’d have to look both ways again
left, right, and then left again 

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 hey, i really dont care if you dont want to talk anymore but please let me know instead of just opening my messages and not responding. the lack of communication kinda hurts. all i need is one answer about that letter so i can get the penpal letters in line, then i’ll leave you alone if thats what you want. i need you to talk to me about this though. i cant know what you want if you dont tell me.

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i was like 15 writing these and had only read like 10 poems in my life so dont take this as a reflection of my writing skills. i swear im better at it now.